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028 by ~KorpiHunaja:iconKorpiHunaja:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Haiku & Eastern




.



he stayed around
to chase away the morning fog
a stray dog



.
©2006-2009 ~KorpiHunaja
:iconkorpihunaja:

Author's Comments

autumn.

the dog is primordial. perhaps it was dreamed into being.
n. scott momaday






i am still working on an adequate translation.

Comments


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:icondiamondie:
*diamondie Oct 4, 2006, 7:23:59 AM
"Stray god" is a great image/pun. I like this a lot, it has a kind of spiritual feeling to it, yet still feels tangible and real. The only thing I'm not sure about is the first line, "stayed" just feels rather abstract to me.
:iconmsjames:
`MSJames Oct 4, 2006, 7:59:09 AM
I agree with `diamondie about 'staying', maybe waiting of something similar would work better.

But the haiku is good none the less, especially then pun on dog/god. ;)

--
~litNEWS, help us keep you informed.

may Beelzebub's scrotum rest firmly on your chin
:icontuishimi:
=Tuishimi Oct 4, 2006, 8:01:04 AM
I like it.

--
...be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger...
:iconkorpihunaja:
~KorpiHunaja Oct 4, 2006, 12:50:19 PM
stray god was a nasty typo, and stayed was missing something. triple checks from now on. it is odd that stayed is more abstract to you than god... in a haiku that is.

--
woods.
:iconkorpihunaja:
~KorpiHunaja Oct 4, 2006, 12:51:09 PM
read it again without typos.

--
woods.
:icondiamondie:
*diamondie Oct 4, 2006, 1:47:58 PM
It can't be a typo, it's a great image! "Stayed" is more abstract because it doesn't have any modifiers or attributes. "God" would be abstract as well, but "stray god" sounds entirely different (it might not be 100% pure haiku imagery, but it just works). But YMMV.
:iconmsjames:
`MSJames Oct 4, 2006, 2:01:13 PM
LOL - I almost like it the other way better, it definatly has a more Zen quality to it. ;)

--
~litNEWS, help us keep you informed.

may Beelzebub's scrotum rest firmly on your chin
:iconkorpihunaja:
~KorpiHunaja Oct 4, 2006, 2:16:55 PM
what has god to do with zen?

--
woods.
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